VSOF Newsletter – November 2021
IN THIS ISSUE
Remembering Violet
Violet’s Los Angeles Times Obituary
Two remembrances by Foundation Members
A collection of condolences from around the world
Violet Solomon Oaklander Foundation Conference
June 2021
Listing and Descriptions of the 39 Presentations on the Oaklander Model by Foundation Members around the world and how register for viewing access
Remembering Violet April 18, 1927 to September 21, 2021

1940

1995

2005
LA Times Obituary Written by Violet’s son & daughter
Violet Oaklander Obituary (1927 – 2021) – Los Angeles, CA – Los Angeles Times
Goodbye to Violet
By Jon Blend, VSOF instructor and member, London England

Violet Oaklander: 1927-2021
Violet Oaklander died aged 94 in Los Angeles on 21st September this year.
She was born in Massachusetts in 1927, the youngest of three children, to parents Joseph and Mollie Solomon, Jewish immigrants from Russia[1]. Though Violet grew up in a loving family her early life was marked by traumatic events. A home accident at age 5 resulted in her receiving multiple severe burns which necessitated her spending several months in hospital. She was kept in isolation, allowed few visitors and was not permitted any diversional activities with which to relieve her loneliness and boredom. The changing of her dressings proved excruciatingly painful ; when she cried out the medical staff rebuked her, insisting she ‘be a good girl’ and stay silent. Violet later attributed her mission to help children find support and comfort when facing adversity to the traumatic experience she endured in hospital.
As a person Violet exuded authenticity. She was lively, shrewd, warm and engaging with incredible presence. She could also be grumpy and ordinary. A lover of nature and a fan of art house movies, she seemed, to borrow an old expression, ‘without side’. A passionate and fearless defender of human rights, Violet spoke as she found, especially where the welfare of children was concerned.
She married Harold Oaklander, a social worker and Gestalt therapist and they raised three children, Mha Atma Khalsa (Arthur), Michael and Sara. She faced a tragic loss with the death of her son Michael, 14, after a long struggle with an autoimmune disease. This was compounded by the death of her parents around this time. After meeting a few therapists without success Violet found an effective safe container at Esalen in Jim Simkin, with whom she was able to explore her grief. This helped her become a person of even greater compassion, depth and resilience.
Qualifications and work history
Violet obtained a Masters degree in Marriage, Family and Child Counselling and another Masters in Special Education. She taught children with additional needs in Long Beach, California for six years, served as Director of the Center for Child and Adolescent Therapy nearby in Hermosa Beach, for eight years and maintained a private practice in Los Angeles and Santa Barbara. Later she taught at the Gestalt Therapy Institute of Los Angeles.
Violet’s psychology doctorate provided the content for her first book- Windows to our Children, published by Gestalt Journal Press in 1978. Following its runaway success she founded the Violet Oaklander Institute, dedicated to the supervision and training of people who work with children. She was devoted to her work, often writing and travelling alternate weekends during the 1980’s. For twenty- seven years Violet led an annual fortnightly summer intensive training in California, often assisted by psychologist Peter Mortola[2].
These hands- on trainings combined her theory teaching with ‘live’ demonstrations and skills practice, drawing participants from all over the world. I joined the course in 2000 and, like so many others, found the experience personally and professionally life-changing.
Method
Drawing on the work of Carl Rogers and Martin Buber’s “I-Thou’ Violet placed relationship at the heart of her work, stating that “Without the thread of a relationship nothing of much significance is likely to take place in therapy.” She found the process-oriented embodied approach of Gestalt Therapy a natural and effective vehicle for helping children and adolescents explore concerns, helping them discover through awareness healthy ways of managing troublesome thoughts and feelings and the ability to make richer life choices. Children often presented in therapy with difficulty in using one or more contact functions; others showed a fragmented sense of self or a combination of both deficits.
Violet believed strongly in demystifying therapy for children and families alike. She sought wherever possible to meet young people together with their parents at the outset, modelling transparency and an atmosphere of ‘no secrets’. Her famous ‘I Don’t Fix Kids!’ speech, delivered at this initial consultation, was designed to dispel fantasies of her providing an ‘expert cure’. Rather, Violet explained that she would endeavour to help the child feel better about himself, stronger and happier inside with a clearer sense of self, able to make better contact with his environment and the people in his life. Moreover she would work to help the child express deep feelings, especially anger, in safe appropriate ways and to learn skills for healthy emotional expression . A variety of creative arts experiences and activities provided the means for these dialogic explorations.
Violet considered children to be born with the potential for a good sense of self that continues to grow and develop given appropriate nurture. To achieve a strong, integrated sense of self she believed the following need consolidating: use of the senses (contact functions), body, intellect, power and control, boundaries and limits, playfulness, imagination ,humour, examination of negative introjects, aggressive energy and trust in intuition.
She met young clients where they were energetically, emotionally, linguistically and cognitively, noting creative adjustments and respecting defences. Like Fritz Perls’, she tended to view ‘resistance’ as ‘assistance ‘, a cue to the therapist that the child was becoming overwhelmed and needed time to process present experience.
During an initial consultation, after the usual welcome Violet would ask the young person – ‘Do you know why you’re here?’ If they were unsure, Violet would ask a parent to explain the concern in age -appropriate language. She sought throughout to maintain a balance between including the child in discussions about their circumstances whilst not focussing on them in ways that could be shaming. Violet would seek the views of all participants before co- constructing a help plan with them. Therapy involved a partnership: parents were asked to remain involved ,for example by participating in joint reviews. Meeting together in this way avoided duplicating communications and enabled boundaries, responsibilities and logistics of therapy to be clarified swiftly.
Violet was particularly keen on sensory process work using arts materials to explore situations, fostering awareness and choicefulness in her young clients , thereby strengthening their sense of agency and competence. The arts can offer a window into the world of emotions, an ‘experience near’ way of contacting the self especially when words fail or seem insufficient. Violet advocated a graded approach to introducing different arts modalities, often starting with (two- dimensional) drawing or painting. Rather than plunging in to ‘full immersion’ she advised that clients ‘go gently’, feeling their way into the work and building necessary support. Early on in therapy she encouraged children to visualise and then draw their Safe Place – a real or imaginary space which could be explored in a dialogue, bringing a grounding ‘anchor’ to recall when needing to bolster their sense of security.
Later on in therapy a child or adolescent might be encouraged to explore working with clay. Clay is a wonderfully versatile, tactile medium capable of harnessing expression and of containing both creative and destructive impulses. Once familiar with this material a scene could be set up using the clay to explore real- life anxieties, frustrations and areas of ‘unfinished business’ experienced by the child. Violet maintained an active, attuned and supportive presence throughout. When necessary she functioned as a resource, offering to fashion in the clay aspects missing from the scenario; at other times she might comment or offer a line of dialogue for the client to explore, amend or reject.
Using the sand tray often took personal work to a deeper place. A sculpt could be made in the sand using miniatures to portray an experience, a conundrum, a memory, powerful narratives depicted in the sand. Unlike in Jungian sand play where the focus is on symbolic expression, Violet emphasised the completion of unfinished gestalts, encouraging a dialogue between protagonists- the figurines that the young person had positioned in the sand. After the session was over the miniatures were dusted off and returned to containers whilst the sand’s surface was smoothed over, ready for the next encounter. Violet encouraged her clients to photograph their sand tray scene using her Polaroid camera, enabling them to retain a record of their work if they wished.
Anger: most misunderstood of the emotions?
Violet developed an interest in helping young people experience, understand and find ways of managing strong feelings, particularly anger through a mix of direct and private expression. She was aware that anger tends to receive ’ a bad press’- being often regarded as dangerous and wrongly conflated with violence. She invited young clients who retroflected rage to explore the cause of their fury whilst she acted simultaneously as a safe container and a cheerleader. Violet elicited direct expression rather than catharsis, slowing responses where necessary and encouraging expression of words or sounds that accompanied the experience. Equally she encouraged healthy retroflection of strong feelings when the field conditions didn’t support expression, helping children and adolescents find safer, creative ways of privately discharging the ‘top layer’ of their fury, enough to feel back in control. Later, psychoeducational aspects of this work could be explored, considering ways of managing future provocation or frustration, reviewing the likely availability of support in the field and possible consequences to actions.
Meeting Violet back in 2000 on her training course was a joy; she was original and creative in so many ways. We discovered some shared ancestry: both of us came from Russian families who in their time had fled pogroms and rising anti-Semitism. We grew closer many years ago, exchanging news of travails with our respective heart problems. Meeting up with Violet and her family again, taking part in and presenting at the Foundation’s Malibu conferences, reconnecting with old friends and colleagues felt incredibly precious and important.
Music
Music was very important to Violet as it has been for me. She was deeply influenced by the eco-music making of celebrated composer and band leader Paul Winter. In her summer trainings Violet introduced participants to improvised music- making for which neither musical skill nor prior experience was required. This involved us sitting in a circle, eyes closed, adding sequentially sounds from ‘instant access’ percussion instruments. We listened and responded as the sounds moved around and mingled, washing over and encircling us- the first of several musical experiments. Throughout Violet encouraged spontaneous musical dialogues for fun and self -expression, performances that involved playing without ego. This approach to musicking (sic) seemed liberating and had great appeal .Activities of this kind foster attentive listening, attunement and flexible response- useful skills for children and for psychotherapists to acquire! In her former teaching career Violet had often taught pupils songs, accompanying them on her guitar. She encouraged therapists to consider adding music , live or recorded, to accompany exploratory arts work, with the client’s consent. Violet also encouraged young people, especially adolescents to bring their own music and lyrics in to sessions enabling exploration of key themes: personal identity, developing independence, love and loss, finding a moral code.
Violet devoted much time to training professionals, giving workshops and presentations to institutes and organisations in many countries across the globe. She was invited to speak at many conferences including Play Therapy UK ‘s (2001) First National Play Conference in Chichester. During the 2007 Evolution of Gestalt conference at Esalen, California Violet was a guest of honour alongside fellow luminaries Peter Levine and Daniel Siegel. She earned a lifetime achievement award from the Association of Play Therapy, U.S. and received numerous other awards for her contribution to the mental health field. In 2009 Felicia Carroll published a festschrift edition of The International Gestalt Journal highlighting many examples of contemporary child therapy that drew inspiration from the Oaklander approach. It concludes with an excerpt taken from Christiane Elsbree’s in-depth interview with Violet.
Legacy
‘Windows’ became a ‘go-to’ resource for child counsellors and psychotherapists in many English- speaking countries. It was crammed with accounts of dialogic, arts-based work with children and adolescents, interwoven with young people’s artwork, verbatim extracts, even a recipe for play dough. Violet’s deep respect for young people and their families and her Buberian approach to therapy is very much in evidence here. At that time her publishers urged her to jettison the theoretical aspects of the Oaklander model fearing this might otherwise hinder its marketability. The highly accessible ‘Windows’ became an international best seller and has since been translated in 17 languages.
Violet reinstated the theoretical ideas underpinning her work in her second book: Hidden Treasure: A Map to the Child’s Inner Self. Published by Karnac in 2006 the book is available now in 8 languages. Appropriately named, ‘Treasure’ offers a trove of vignettes and ideas for child therapy practitioners, teachers and parents. As accessible as its predecessor, it picks up where ‘Windows’ leaves off, adding important chapters on therapeutic process with children, adolescence, on attentional difficulties, groupwork, loss and grief, working with preschoolers and so on.
Also of note are three videotaped recordings (since transferred to DVD) of Violet’s work with children and adolescents. Their accompanying study notes show how much Violet’s perceptions, attitude and approach were deeply rooted in contemporary Gestalt Therapy as can be said of a series of six training cassette tapes she made. Likewise her chapters in Nevis’s Gestalt Therapy: Perspectives and Applications (1992) and Wheeler & McConville’s The Heart of Development: Volume 1 (2002) give a clear exposition of her work with young clients, together with her theoretical underpinning.
Retirement and VSOF
In 2005 some twenty family members and long -time colleagues met in Santa Barbara to discuss ways of carrying on Violet’s work following her retirement. The Violet Solomon Oaklander Foundation was formed, later launching a website to publish its activities. These included working with Violet to develop training programs, establish a speakers bureau, publish a newsletter for Friends of the Foundation, create an archive and sponsor a biennial research conference.
In retirement Violet and her beloved cat Maydeleh moved to Los Angeles to live next to her son Mha Atma and daughter- in law- Martha who provided her with steady loving care throughout whilst also continuing to support the work of her Foundation. I visited Violet in her home there on two occasions, enjoying her company and the sharpness of her mind, although deeply saddened to note that she could no longer walk without a frame and was facing the additional challenge of deteriorating vision.
Following a hiatus due to the Pandemic an online international conference was organised in June 2021 by founder member Lynn Stadler. Many members and friends of the Oaklander Foundation from around the world contributed presentations; Violet too was delighted to participate in this highly successful event. She had already taken part in most of the Foundation’s ‘Just For Now’ sessions- a series of monthly meetings held on Zoom, hosted by Karen Fried with support from other Foundation members and friends. These meetings, initially envisioned as a crisis- intervention response to the Pandemic, simply grew, fostering a growing sense of community across continents. On occasions the calls attracted over one hundred participants from more than twenty countries- a measure of the great esteem and love for Violet and her work that continues across the globe, cascading down through ongoing trainings in the Oaklander Method in the UK, US and many other countries.
Jon Blend MA, Dip Psych, Dip Child, CQSW (he/him/his)
Adult, Child & Adolescent Psychotherapist, Supervisor; Community Musician & Lifemusic Practitioner; Faculty IATE, London; Visiting trainer: NESTT, Pocklington & Pathways, Prestwich; Guest trainer and member: Violet Solomon Oaklander Foundation www.vsof.org; Principal: Gazebo Training, London.
For nine articles and information on Oaklander Method trainings visit: https://www.gacp.co.uk
Correspondence: jon.blend335@gmail.com
Letter to the Oaklander Model Community Worldwide from
From Board Member & Founder, Oaklander Model trainer
and VSOF Conference Coordinator
Lynn Stadler
(Lynn is standing behind Violet)

During a dark time a few years ago, a friend from a faraway land tried to shift my mood with some words that continue to console me: “Remember you have three things that no one else has: Pearl, Violet, and Santa Barbara.” That powerful trifecta has been the vase I’ve poured my life into these past two decades. Thanks to Violet there’s a world of flowers that bloom now and for more generations than we’ll ever know. Her work is an endless fertile ground.
When people ask how I “know” Violet, I can never find the right word. I’ve tried: friend, mentor, inspiration, teacher, kind of like an aunt or a close cousin, playmate, more than family. . . . Today the word I found is “source”. Violet has been the source of my work, play, and professional passion since 1999. I’ve built a life that somehow works because of Violet’s love, steadfast support, trust, and encouragement.
I choke on sobs with the realization that now people will ask how I “knew” Violet. “Sad” feels like a puny word today. And “appreciation” doesn’t cut it either.
In one of those early dawn “just before you get up” dreams a few hours ago, I think Violet took me for a ride. I’d been at a strange and pleasant daytime dinner party, and it was dusk when it ended. I went for a walk alone and was on a road, and there was a lovely valley with some trails and meadows and trees and a few horses. (I’m afraid of horses.) I walked down a trail and got onto the biggest horse, and rode bareback from one end of the meadow to the other, back and forth until it got dark. The horse took me back up the hill to the road and when I went to slide off, somehow she held me, and it was like we were hugging. I thought upon waking that I was dreaming about Violet, having one last hug, before she turned back to the meadow, walking away with grace and power.
Thank you, dear friends, for understanding all this.
With love and loss,
Lynn
Lynn Stadler
September 22, 2021
A Salute to Violet Oaklander, PhD, LMFT, RPT-S
By Felicia Carroll, Foundation Instructor & Member, Solvang, California

1927-2021
Dr. Violet Salomon Oaklander, a pioneer in the teaching and training of child and adolescent psychotherapy, released her last breath at 3:00 P.M. on September 21, 2021. She was 94 years old. Felicia Carroll, LMFT and Registered Play Therapist-Supervisor (RPT-S) who has been a close friend and colleague for 42 years, graciously contributed this photograph and her memories for this collaborative memorial salute.
Dr. Oaklander is known internationally for her method of incorporating Gestalt therapy into play therapy for children and adolescents. Her books—Windows to Our Children: A Gestalt Therapy Approach to Children and Adolescents (published in 16 languages) and Hidden Treasure: A Map to the Child’s Inner Self (published in 8 languages)—are renowned and she has contributed numerous journal articles, book chapters, and audio and video tapes on psychotherapeutic work with children. When Windows to Our Children was published in 1978, Violet’s approach, which was grounded in the theory and practice of Gestalt theory and included a variety of expressive techniques, presented a major alternative within the field of child psychotherapy. According to Felica, Violet had no idea how much demand there would be for her teaching. She immediately began a two week training group held annually for 27 years that has been attended by participants from all over the world. In addition to local trainings, she taught her method internationally. In 1986, she made the decision to leave Los Angeles because she was suffering from chronic fatigue and needed a less stressful environment. She moved to Santa Barbara where she loved the laid-back lifestyle, made many friends, and thrived professionally. For years she taught extension programs for University of California campuses in Santa Cruz, Santa Barbara, and San Diego, and was an instructor at Pacifica Graduate Institute. Throughout her career of over five decades, Violet received awards for her contributions to the well-being of children and adolescents: she was an early recipient of the Lifetime Achievement Award from the Association for Play Therapy in 2008 and in 2012 she was the 8th Annual Chair of the Edna-Reiss – Sophie Greenberg Award. When she retired in 2007, she returned to Los Angeles to live with her family.
Felicia shared that Violet was absolutely dedicated to her clients, trainees, and writing but also made time for relaxing and having fun. She enjoyed going to the Esalen Institute to rest, soak in the baths, have a massage, or attend workshops—some of which inspired thoughts about her clinical work. Her favorite past times were playing with her beloved cats Ouzo and Maydeleh; shopping and finding toys and gadgets for her office; going to the movies; reading novels, professional, and spiritually focused books; being with family and friends; and playing music and singing folksongs, protest songs, and any music by Pete Seeger or John Denver.
For more about Violet’s life, her family, and some of the physical and emotional traumas that inspired her to work with children, read her obituary in the Los Angeles Times. Visit the Violet Solomon Oaklander Foundation website to learn about the non-profit corporation created to sustain and promote her legacy and further her work.
Felicia Carroll, M.Ed, MA is a Marriage and Family therapist and Registered Play Therapist-Supervisor. She has a private practice in California and is the Founder-Director and Advanced Trainer at West Coast Institute for Gestalt Therapy with Children and Adolescents. A heartfelt thank you to Felicia for her contributions to this piece.
A collection of Condolences sent from around the world to
Karen Fried, Just For Now Coordinator
Just for Now — OaklanderTraining.org
and Foundation Member & Instructor
To the Oaklander Team: I learned of Violet’s passing and wanted to send my condolences. From participating in the training a couple of weeks ago, it is apparent how Violet has embraced you all as family as she shared her gift/teachings. I am sending warm thoughts and comfort during this difficult time. Although I never met Violet, I feel that as I learn through you, she will be present. I am honored to be learning her model and being able to share it with my clients. Violet will be missed. Warmly, Julie
Un profundo dolor nos causo la partida de nuestra querida Violet, ahora ella descansa con sus seres queridos
continuaremos difundiendo el legado que nos dejo, un abrazo Karen y Lynn, nos acompañamos desde el corazón en estos
momentos, igual un abrazo para todos los miembros de la fundación. Estaré presente en la convocatoria
Les pregunto si puedo compartir el link con nuestros alumnos para que puedan participar? Saludos Ebert
Dear Karen and Peter, I know how close you were to Violet, I imagine you will be very sad, and I send you a sympathetic hug. There are many sad people in the world today. And also grateful for your great Legacy of light and love for the children and for all of us therapists who have followed your contributions. His light will continue to illuminate the world of Gestalt therapy. I embrace you with affection. Dra. María del Pilar González Peñalver, México
Dear Karen, I have just read the sad news of Violet’s passing. What a massive loss to us all and I now cherish so much the opportunity you gave me to greet her in the past year. She was so much the same Violet we had met here in Ireland back in the early eighties. She was such a source of therapeutic wisdom and her whole personality breathed healing and acceptance. Her contribution to therapy is enormous and I know that you and your organisation will keep her wonderful ideas alive for future generations. My condolences to her family and to you all, her friends and followers. Brian Lennon, Dublin, Ireland
Dear Karen, My sincere condolences for you and all collègues, family and people who be close of Violet and love her…
I’m sad and honored to can live the meeting of Just for Now, and thinking about questions that I never dare to do…but i’m grateful for this time to share. So thank you for all, and I send you a big hug from Spain. Catherine
Dear Karen. I want to extend my sincere condolences to you all her colleagues, family, carers and friends. I feel so privileged to have been a small part in your zoom calls. I have only attended a handful but have always found them amazingly inspirational. Violet was such a wonderful presence as are you. I do hope you are taking care of yourself at this difficult time for you. Susan Dowling, Dublin, Ireland.
Hi Karen, I just heard about Violet’s passing. Such a big loss… she touched so many people’s hearts and contributed so much to our field. I’m forever grateful to her. I wanted to reach out especially to you, and offer my condolences. Sending you a big hug. Warmly, Cynthia
I am just know the sad news about Violet… I am feeling very sad but also with me grateful feelings and love.. I have to say that this is the first time I feel the distance between Us because in times like this the presence is priceless but it comforts me the love that was in every zoom meeting and that love is and it will be always Violet, and that is a wonderful legacy .
Sincerely Katerina
Dear Karen, I was very moved to hear the news of Violet’s Passing away. I believe that Violet is always alive in our hearts.
My condolences to you. Fariba Abazari , Iran
Dear Karen and all, I’m so sorry to hear about Dr Violet’s passing. I’m only at the beginning of my journey with Play Therapy but had the privilege of encountering her life’s work serveral years ago and the joy of hearing her speak only recently. I’m struck by how you speak of the international family of the Oaklander Training and I already feel part of this. My sincere condolences to everyone who has been fortunate enough to know and love Violet for a long time in the context of her soul work. Solidarity in this difficult time and love across the miles, Dawn
Hi Karen. I am so saddened to hear the news of Violet’s passing and have been reflecting on her life and the immense contribution she has made to the world that will be timeless. This is such a tremendous loss for everyone who knew her and for the whole Play Therapy community. She put her all into building her foundation to ensure that generations to come will benefit from her wisdom. I am glad that she connected with you and was so skilled and deliberate in choosing who would help continue on with her legacy. I foresee great things for the foundation and the amazing training opportunities you will provide. I feel honored that I got to meet her and learn from her. Lauren Stockly
VSOF Fifth Biennial Conference
June 5 & 6, 2021
39 presentations by Foundation members
Available on Youtube by registering at
https://vsof.org/conference/index.html
Violet Oaklander’s books and training programs have had enormous global impact, and countless therapists around the world have been supported by Violet’s work. Now, in the midst of a global pandemic, the VSOF international community has become more vital than ever before. To build on this momentum of coming together in a time of crisis, VSOF’s 2021 Conference is 100% online for three full days — 38 consecutive 75-minute sessions around the clock. Attendees can participate in live workshops from any time zone, or view recordings after the conference for a complete experience.
This 24/7 format allows for an unprecedented variety of international perspectives, experiences, and practical techniques using the Oaklander Model. Sessions will be led by experienced Oaklander Model trainers and international guest presenters. All will share how they’re working with the Oaklander Model, as well as provide examples of multicultural applications.
Join us to experience how the worldwide success of the Oaklander Model can support your work in private practice, in schools, and in a variety of agency settings. This approach to therapy is hands-on, playful and creative. Our time together will be rich in theory, research and practice: not just a conference, but an experience!
Conference Schedule At-a-Glance:
Sessions start every 1.5 hours. They are 75 minutes long followed by a 15-minute break. Click the session title to view session and presenter information. All sessions are in English only, unless marked **